Next stop?

I'm back in Nkhata Bay at a restaurant drinking a Green. That's what they call Calsberg in Malawi, simple and it makes sense.

It's been pretty much bang on two months since I was here, sitting in this same restaurant in fact. Those two months have been big for me. I reached the summit of Africa, slipped in a marriage proposal, saw the 'Big 5' in the Serengetti and witnessed a breath taking sunset on the Isle of Zanzibar. Those experiences I put in the 'yep richer for it' life column.
A week ago something else happened which I don't know how to judge. Jess and I broke up. It's tough when that stuff happens. I felt like my heart had been removed from my chest then dropped down a bottomless well, falling deeper and deeper into a place of sadness that seemed endless. It was horrible. Grasping for her touch in the dark. I had no idea how lonely the night could be.
But the sun did rise and has done so each day since. It's beautiful too, drifting up behind the mountains, painting the sky pink with colour then bursting onto the lake with it's golden light. I take that stuff for granted too much when my life is in cruize control. It's not healthy taing things for granted and I will do less of it in future.

I haven't quite moved into the head space of future thinking just yet, but I am out of the lonely dark, as I hope Jess is too. Fuck that is a horrible place. When I think about us now and the whole relationship, I believe it just wasn't our time. There was love I know that, the hurt has proved it, but maybe it just can't conquer everything, some gaps are just too wide to bridge.

Anyway tomorrow I'm off to Vizara, where is that? Who knows? Hopefully the bus driver as he will be taking our football team (Butterfly) for the match. I'm helping coach the boys team as part of my volunteering. It's been a good distraction and I'll stick at it for the short term at least.
As for Jess she has headed to Egypt to catch up with friends, and why not. It's a big world out there everyone should get out and see it.

Melbourne Marathon

After 4 years in the marathon abyss I got back into last weekend in the Melbourne Marathon. Unfortunately my race didn’t quite go as planned.

I was travelling well at the halfway, through in 1hr 52mins (on track for around 3hrs 50mins). At the turn around point we turned back into a stiff head wind (50kph) and at the 25km I started coughing a little. I was able to get rid of it, but it returned again around the 28km mark. It took me a little longer to get rid of it the 2nd time but I did and kept running. Then at the 30km I starting coughing and all of a sudden I couldn’t breath, started gasping for air.... I stumbled over to a nearby volunteer and seeing my state he called ‘000’ immediately (emergency). I sat down and tried to relax and get some air in. After a couple of minutes I was able to get some normality back into my breathing but was still struggling a bit. An Ambulance arrived soon after and took me to a hospital closer to the city. They gave me oxygen on route which helped a lot and after 2hrs sitting on a stretcher at the hospital a doctor gave the okay to release me.

I decided then the best thing to do was finish the race - slowly. So I got back onto StKilda road at about the 36km marker (the ambo ride cut 6km’s off the course) and ran out the rest of the race. When I felt my breathing get restricted I eased off, but I was able to run most of the final stint. It was a bitter sweet entrance into the MCG but I was pleased not to be dead and happy to at least finish the race…… 5hrs 32mins.

Medical Diagnosis - Something probably scratched my air-way (small leaf, pollen or bug) which restricted my breathing to the point where I couldn’t get enough oxygen to meet my needs. It makes some sense because it was hot and windy and leaves were flying about over most of the course. I guess I inhaled something along the way?? Very trivial incident though..

Count down to lift off....

Less that two weeks till race day and I've done pretty much all that Hal asked of me and some.

I quit my job. I bought a great running gadget (Polar RS200SD). I have grown a Forrest Gump beard.... and oh yeah I've done a lot of running. Have I done enough? That is the question.

Over the last 5 weeks I've averaged 60km's a week and never shirked the long run on the weekend so I'm in okay shape. My training buddy has had the flu for the last two weeks which has thrown his preparation down the crapper, but hopefully he'll still make it to the start line with me.

Ideally I would have liked to train a little faster and be a few kg's lighter (weighing in at 76kg) but as I said to my girlfriend the other day..... "I just like my milk and cookies" too much.

Running on track

Hi All,

In that I mean probably just me. Well I guess that's what you get for being a lazy blogger. It's a year since my last post but that's no reason to go off topic! So I'll stick with the running and it's all good news!

Since that run last year I've steadily increased my running and right now I'm in the later stages of my training program for the Melbourne Marathon (Oct 12). I've built my endurance up steadily over the last couple of months and I'm currently doing around 55km's a week.

Come race day I'm hoping to take 10mins off my Dublin time (3hrs 53mins).... but anything sub 3:45 is happy days! Next week I go 100% off the booze till post race.... so you know I'm committed.

I'll update again once I've completed the race.

Maybe time can heal all wounds.....

In one of her songs Joni Mitchell coined the timeless proverb "You don't know what you've got till it's gone".

Well now; imagine how good the feeling is, when you get back that thing that you thought was gone.

For the last 431 days there has been something missing in my life. I didn't know exactly what that was until about 30mins ago when I looked down at my watch and saw my stopwatch clocked at 25mins and 25sec's. It represented the time of which I had been running along the StKilda foreshore. A couple of years back I would have just thought.... 'pfffff a short lazy jog'. But not tonight, as tonight it was my first run in about 3 months, but more importantly my first run since May last year that I have completed without any knee pain at all! And if I wake tomorrow without pain or soreness as I believe I will. Then I am on my way to getting back what I thought was gone.

And if I never play or participate in another sporting activity ever again, I will be a happy man, if only I can run freely till the ends of my days....

Tom's Fight.....

The next day Tom was a mess, he hadn’t written anything at all the day before, not to mention the 6 months prior to that and it was all starting to weigh heavily on him. Would it remain just a dream to finish his book? The stories told to friends and well wishers just throw away lines forever “Yeah I’m writing a book.” “Fantastic, what’s it about?” “Well…..” The amount of times he’d heard that question, every time he answered it another weight was added to the chain of guilt that lay around his neck. Had too much water passed under the bridge, the simple act of putting pen to paper felt like the task of bringing the warring middle to peace parties to the peace table. He couldn’t bring his mind to see it as just another daily task, it didn’t have to be so hard… wake up, eat food, wipe arse, write something. That’s all it was and all it needed to be, but after so much negative thought the act had grown by mammoth proportions, self doubt dominating all discussion at the peace table.
“It doesn’t have to be so hard.”
“Maybe once you had some influence, but you haven’t done anything purposeful all year, I’ve kept his mind busy with plenty of activity, and his life has kept going… in fact he’s stronger than ever before. I got 32 chin ups out of him the other day. What did you do?”
“Yeah you also lost him $42 on the poker table.”
“Well at least he was doing something! What have you made him do lately?”
“Yeah okay I know you’ve kept him going, but is he happy?”
“Of course he’s happy....”
“Is he really?”

The fight back begins...

It has been a full 4 months, maybe closer to 5 since I wrote anything towards my novel, but today I fought back.

It has been so hard to get back into this. Since arriving back from Central America 2 months ago I have wanted to start writing again more than anything, but the self doubt has been far too strong.

Well after four days isolation at my parents house in Rye, today I finally rediscovered that will and I actually put some words on paper proving it to myself. And I must say, it feels so good to do something for myself again, so good.

The fight back will continue tomorrow.....