Another write off.....

Today has been one of those days that is easily forgotten, except for the heavier sense of burden that it's leaves me with.

For it's now almost 11pm and I haven't written a single new word. I woke at 9AM with every intention to dedicate the day to writing..... and what have I done?

I did a load of washing, read a little, sent a few emails to friends then decided that in November I'm going to Mexico... how does that work? Before today Mexico wasn't anywhere near the short-term agenda, and now I feel as good as there?

I thought I wanted to write all day, but instead I avoided it all day and decided to go to Mexico instead? Why does the decision to run away come so naturally to me, its almost scary. Almost my arse, it is scary.... sad part is.... it's the story of my life.

Anyway this day has felt far from productive, but I'll just add it to the pile of wasted ones that I have been accumulating since I started writing this so called..... 'novel'.

The Crossroads....

I hit the halfway mark the other day.... and things were going, well pretty much on track.

But 15 minutes ago I just hit crossroads of the novel and now I'm scared shitless which path to take, I had it all planned out and now all of a sudden I feel like a child lost in a maze of options

I didn't see any of these before, and I'm not getting any excitement out of seeing them now. I may have to put this down for a couple of days and have a solid think, as I feel that when I choose one of these there is no going back.... this is seriously the scariest personal challenge I've faced since I began this whole thing.

Fuck, if the rest of this book is going to be this kind of emotional rollcoaster, I'm not sure I can do it.

I don't even know which option will read better, I don't even know if I can pull off the options that are available to me..... this is really hard.

Fuck I hate making big decisions...... No wonder I didn't get married.